I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
