I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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