I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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