if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
