I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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