i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
