You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
