we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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