I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
