my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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