If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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