I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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