I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
