I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
tell me about the fingering
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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