I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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