i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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