that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
