White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
