I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
