guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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