actually, I'm a sock model
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
