you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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