Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
