Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize