It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
