Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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