I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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