just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
