Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
