Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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