Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
