I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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