I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
