Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
