and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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