ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
