so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
