There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
