the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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