I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
