We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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