dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
