girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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