we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
