I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
