dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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