UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The struggles of a small town man whore
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
