so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
