Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
