Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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