it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
