She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
