wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
