There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
