He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
