Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
