I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
