your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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