Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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