oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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