last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize