yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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