I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize