So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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