I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
